


New Light, Same Prospective.

by HoweverElis



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:24:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23003530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoweverElis/pseuds/HoweverElis
Summary: Tobin is stuck in the same routine even if she's in a different place. Somehow everything changes when she meets a woman who involuntarily breaks her walls by accepting them.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 26
Kudos: 207





	1. Something new

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is my first time writing a fic and English isn't my first language so please be nice! I don't even know if I should finish this work, I feel pretty insecure about it so let me know what you think!  
> (If you have any advice/correction please let me know, my Tumblr is: spiriti-puri)

Being alone in a different room is hard.Being alone in a different house, city and town is even harder.

See, this is one of those things that are very hard to explain without having experienced them yourself. Of course she knew it would be hard. Moving to the other side of the country, away from everything and everyone you know could never be easy but days and weeks and months went by and life wasn’t getting better by any mean. Tobin had still trouble sleeping and, ironically enough, she was falling into that boring routine that made her move away in the first place.

It’s tiring waking up and already knowing what your day is gonna be like. It only takes remembering the day before, and all the ones before that, honestly. Loneliness might sound sad and depressing but she was so used to it that it didn’t bother her anymore. Sure, she had two or three friends back home but they weren’t helping her feeling any less lonely so moving away from them didn’t hurt her that much. Maybe she was just apathic. Maybe she didn’t know what feeling alive felt like. _Whatever. Who does, right? We’ll all die alone anyway._

That Monday was just like any other day. She was running late for work (like always) but there was no way in hell she was gonna go through an entire day of work without a coffee.

While she was waiting for her order, her phone rang, -shit, it’s my boss. She picked up.

“Hey, I’m on my way, I-“

“ _Heath! Oh thank God you picked up, can you do me a huge favor?_ ”

She sounded panicked, and it surprised her a bit, her boss always had evrything under control.

“Sure Lyss, what’s up?”

  
“ _You need to edit the contract I’ll send you in a couple of minutes. Do it as fast as you can, you don’t need to come in the office today, just edit the contract and send it to the L.A. company, please?_ ”

“The entire contract? It should be al-“

“ _Please Tobin? You’re the only one I trust with this. You can have the rest of the day off. I need it. Now_.”

She signed. She knew she didn’t actually have a choice. She was her boss and even id it wasn’t her job to edit that damn long contract, she worked in Alyssa’s company.

“Okay, okay. Just send it.”

 _“Thank you so much! I owe you Tobs, I really do. Don’t forget to send me a copy, talk to you later. Thanks again_ ”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Bye Lyss”

  
Even if she tried to sound annoyed, she actually liked Alyssa. She was maybe the only person she could call a friend here and she was an amazing hard-working woman who inspired her. She was happy to work with her.  
And here she is, sitting in a coffee shop in Portland with her second coffee in hand and eyes fixed on the screen.

She didn’t know how many hours went by, but looking at the final product she was happy. She sent a copy to her boss and one to the CEO of the company. 

  
Tobin closed her laptop and took her glasses off, relaxing for the first time that morning, looking down the street at the rain that she didn’t even relize was falling outside until that moment.

  
When she turned around her eyes landed on her: a beautiful woman with dark straight hair, wearing a white shirt and a grey cardigan, reading a book while sipping her coffee. Tobin didn’t know exactly why but she just couldn’t look away. There was something in the way the stranger was so focused on reading the words of the book and yet so relaxed that made Tobin feel calm. She was probably staring but she didn’t care until the woman looked up. Her eyes locked on Tobin’s almost naturally and a shy smile appeard on her lips making Tobin smile without even meaning to.

She could hear her own heartbeat increase and air leaving her lungs. It didn’t make any sense, but her body almost forgot how to function, everything and averyone around her didn’t exist anymore. All she could see was those beautiful green eyes filled with wonder and curiosity. They were two strangers looking at each other with soft smiles like they finally met again after 10 years. The difference was in the fact that they never actually met. They were just that: two strangers.  
Suddenly Tobin looked down at the empty cup in her hand, still smiling and imbarassed for staring at the woman and when she looked up their gazes met again. The woman had the same expression of a few seconds before and she quitely lughed when Tobin scratched the back of her neck with her left hand.

Before she could process the stranger’s beautiful laugh, the somehow intimate moment was broken by her phone ringing again. She silently cursed whoever was distracting her from… well, whatever this was. _Of-fucking-course is her job._

  
“Yes Tim, what’s up?”

  
“ _Hey Heath, I just needed some help and didn’t find you, just wondering when are you back to the office I haven’t see-_ “

  
“I’m not coming today, I just had some work to do from home. What do you need help with?”

  
“ _Oh, nothing. Some points in the last document I wan’t sure of, for example--_ "

  
Tobin didn’t register anything else because when she looked up the woman was gone. Her face fell. She moved her gaze away for what? 5 seconds and she’s gone. It was so stupid feeling upset over this. She didn’t know her and now she lost every chance of ever finding her again. She felt stupid for giving so much thought to an attractive woman she saw on a boring Monday in a boring coffee shop on a boring street.

  
- _-you know? but eventually tomorrow you can check, maybe I’m just missing something, right?_ ”

  
“Ehm… Sure, sure Tim, I have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye”

  
She hang up before he could respond. She kept looking around like she lost an easy thing to find. _What is wrong with you, you see planty of attractive women everyday_.

Shestood up and put her laptop in her back peck. She took her jacket, ready to leave when she relized it was still raining outside, stronger then before. With a sign she sat back down and covered her face with her hands, asking herself why she got out of bed this morning.

  
“It doesn’t look like it’s about to stop, does it?”

  
The voice took her off guard. She immediatly looked up and saw those green eyes looking straight at her. She freezed for a few second before gaining the ability to talk again.

  
“Y-yeah, I guess” she laughed softly and looked down scratching the back of her neck for the second time that day.

“We’re trapped here” the woman said with a smile on her face and a calming voice.

“Yeah, It’s not so bad tho” Tobin shrugged, feeling suddenly okay with the pouring rain that forced her to stay there.

“Oh, really? You looked pretty frustreted”

Tobin blushed and looked down once again feeling embarassed.

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect my morning to turn out this way” 

The woman nodded with a smile that Tobin couldn’t help but match. Tobin felt somehow confident enough to speak again:

“you can sit with me if you want…You know, since we’re trapped here”.

  
Tobin hated how small her voice sounded. God, she felt like a teenager and she truly hoped she wasn’t blushing even tho she knew she was. But before she could think about it, the woman sat in front of her. Tobin smiled and then asked:

“what’s your name?”

  
“Christen” the woman responded, and Tobin just knew she would never hear that name again without thinking at this exact boring day. At this beautiful woman in front of her.

“Tobin” she said smiling.

“That’s a very interesting name”

“Interesting? Most people say weird” she said smiling 

“No, it’s interesting!”

“Are you sure you don’t mean weird? Cause I think you do”

Christen laughed and Tobin couldn’t help but wanting to make her laugh every chance she got. And so she did.

They spent hours talking about everything, from jobs to family, and coffe and holidays. They ended up eating together while telling each other childhood stories and teasing each other over family traditions.

It felt so natural to both of them, that when Christen’s phone rang, they both jumped at the sound, like they where back to a reality they forgot existed.

The woman looked at the screen without answering the call but her eyes were wide, like she forgot she had something to do today, other than sit in a coffee shop, talking with a stranger.

“Shit! It’s late, I really need to go”

Tobin wanted her to stay a little longer but when she looked outside she noticed how it wasn’t raining anymore. Christen got up, she was clearly in a rush and desperately looking in her bag for her wallet when Tobin stopped her.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, lunch is on me”

The woman looked up at her and smiled “Thanks, I’m sorry I need to go. Bye”

Tobin freezed for a moment watching the woman walk away in fast steps. And then it hit her: _shit you didn’t ask for her number._ So she ran the few step and took Christen’s wrist (maybe a little bit harder that she wanted to) and spun her around. She immediately saw in those green eyes worry and confusion that disappeared in an instant as Tobin handed her phone to her saying

“You can give me your number if you want”.

Again she felt her cheek on fire, like she didn’t spent almost three hours with the woman in front of her. Christen put her number in and handed the phone back to her, with a bright smile on her face, that made Tobin melt. Christen then kissed her cheek and ran out of the coffee shop, away from her eyes.

She stayed standing there, asking herself what the hell just happened.

That night Tobin was lying in bed, thinking about the woman she met on that boring Monday morning. She didn’t know why, but it felt good, feeling excited about something, someone, for the first time in years. She felt alive. Ugh, it was so stupid right? I mean, yes, she was a beautiful, smart, interesting, funny woman but she just met her. It was crazy and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about her. 

The next day she spent an awful amount of time thinking about how and when she should text Christen. After typing and deleting for a few minutes she locked her phone and got up. She wasn’t used to think about someone after waking up. It made her feel weird and stupid.

When she closed the door behind her shoulders, she was already late for work (like always), but she still needed her coffe. When she entered the coffee shop, her eyes immediately landed on Christen. _Of course she’s here_ , she thought _. Is she always this beautiful?_

“We need to stop meeting like this” 

Christen jumped at the sound of her voice and turned around with a hand on her chest.

“Oh my God, you scared me!” 

They just stood there smiling, surprised by seeing the other so soon when Christen, laughing softly, took a step closer and hugged the woman in front of her. Tobin didn’t know why, but putting her arms around the woman waist, breathing her in, made her feel… vulnerable. 

“Good morning” she whispered, hearing Christen whispering a shy “Hi” back.

When they stepped away from each other, they were both blushing, probably for sharing such an intimate hug with someone they met the day before. But they both felt like they just knew each other for way more time. So it didn’t matter. 

After talking for a few minutes a guy came and put his arm around Christen’s shoulder. He smiled saying “Hi! I’m Nima, nice to meet you”.

Tobin completely froze. She shook his hand and smiled but she was burning inside. When she gained a little control she saw Christen and Nima smiling and talking to her, but when she didn’t answer at anything they were saying, Christen looked at her with concern. She needed to get out of there. She didn’t know what was happening but she needed to go.

She put the best smile she could on her face and said something like “Hey, I really need to go. I’m late for work. Have a nice day” before disappearing.

She really hoped she didn’t look like an idiot, because she sure felt like one. 

After an entire day of work, Tobin went home and collapsed on the couch. She kept thinking about Christen. Her smile, her eyes, her voice, her hug. _Her boyfriend, idiot. She has a boyfriend_. Nothing would have happened anyway. A woman that beautiful? There was no way in hell she could be interested in her. Right? She just needed to get over… this thing and stop thinking about her. 

A week went by and Tobin put all her energy and time in he job. She still went at that boring coffee shop everyday but it had nothing to do with hoping to meet her again. Not at all. She thought about texting her but everytime, that dude face appeared on her mind. It didn’t matter, they would probably never meet again. Portland is a big city.

That’s what she thought.   
Well, she was right. Quite right. She didn’t met her again but she did meet him. 

She just entered the room for the 5:30 pm meeting and set down watching her co-workers do the same when she was surprised by a voice at her left.

“Hey! Tobin, right? Nice to see you again! Nima” he shook her hand, watching the shocked expression on the woman face and continued “We met at the coffee shop last week”

She realized she probably looked dumb, staring at him like he was an alien so she smiled the best she could in the moment and responded: “Yeah, I remember.” She dropped his hand and he set down on the empty chair at her left before speaking again.

“I didn’t know you worked here!”

“Yeah, same” she laughed awkwardly.

“That’s my first meeting actually, I got the job just a couple of days ago.”

“Well, welcome to the company”. Tobin said honestly. She liked his attitude. He looked like a genuine nice person and she had no reason to hate him beside him having the most beautiful, breath-taking woman Tobin had ever seen as a girlfriend. _Stop thinking about it. What is wrong with you?_

“Thank you! It’s nice having a somehow familiar face here. Christen never told me you worked here”

The mention of her name made Tobin feel slightly uncomfortable but she covered it immediately.

“Uhm, I’m not sure I told her the name of the company so..”

“Oh, got it”

The meeting started and Tobin didn’t listen to almost anything. She was thinking about what Nima just said. She was wondering if maybe, just maybe, the woman mentioned her name in a conversation with him. _Why would she? God, you are ridiculous_.

Before she could continue thinking about it the meeting ended and she was ready to go home and pass out trying to ignore that Christen’s boyfriend was now her co-worker.

As soon as she left the room, Nima walked beside her and said “Hey, what are you doing tonight?”

"I don't know, why?” tobin asked

“Well, what about dinner? Chris will be there too”

Tobin didn’t know exactly why he was being so nice. She figured that he really needed some friends in his new work place. The last thing she wanted tho, was having dinner with the woman she couldn’t stop thinking about and her boyfriend.

“Sorry, I can’t tonight” she smiled kindly

“Oh, too bad. Christen would have loved having you with us.” He said with a smirk that Tobin didn’t miss but chose to ignore.

After a few minutes of silence they both stopped before going their separate way.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow I guess” the man said.

“Yeah sure! Enjoy dinner with your girlfriend” she responded with a polite smile.

At that he laughed a little bit before looking up at Tobin face and realizing she was serious. She looked at him silently asking him what was so funny. He nodded, like suddenly he understood something that was unclear until that moment and said:

“Christen is not my girlfriend. She’s my best friend”

“Oh.. Sorry, I just assumed… you know” Tobin felt embarassed looking down.

“Don’t worry about it. I thought you knew she’s gay”

“Oh…W-well we don’t really know each other so…”

“Well, not yet” He said smirking at the way Tobin’s eyes were fixed on the ground, scratching the back of her neck with her left hand. They said bye to each other and walked away.

Tobin dreamed about Christen that night, feeling somehow happier than the day before and waking up smiling the next day. 

A couple of days went by. Nima and Tobin worked on different floors so they didn’t meet again until that morning, when they were entering the building at the same time. 

“Hi!”

“Hey, how are you?”

“Good! What about you?” 

“I’ll be good after my second coffee” She answered taking a sip of the one in her hand and smiling. They both laughed lightly before entering the elevator.

“Christen is just as a coffee-addict as you” he said with an entertained smirk. 

Tobin didn’t know what to say to that so she just nodded and kept drinking her coffee. _Why does he brings her up. I already think about her enough_. The elevator stopped at Tobin’s floor and she got out after saying bye to him.

  
She felt stupid because she still had the beautiful woman’s number in her phone. But too much time went by from their last meeting and she didn’t know what to do with it anymore.

When she was leaving the building later that day, Mark, the security guy, stopped her.

  
“Hey! Tobin!”

“Hey Mark, what’s up?” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Mark was a tall man, bold and full of muscles but he had a big heart and a kind smile.

“I saw you this morning, walking with Nima from the 4th floor. Do you know where I can find him? He forgot his wallet on his desk. I tried calling him but no answer” 

“No, sorry Mark, I don't"

"Tomorrow is Saturday. That means I won't see him until Monday." He sighed.

The guy had a worried expression, clearly not knowing how to solve this since anyone was already gone. Tobin was about to head out when she stopped. She had someone else’s number she could use. I mean it’s his wallet, he needs it. That’s important.

“Wait a minute, I’ll text a mutual friend”.He smiled as she picked the phone from her pocket and looked at Christen’s number. She hated to text the woman for the first time for this, but it was the only way she could help the situation. 

**Tobin[8:07]:** Hi Christen, it’s Tobin. I don’t know if you remember me and I’m sorry to bother you this late but Nima forgot his wallet in his office and he's not answering his phone. The security guard doesn’t have his address and neither do I, so I thought I could ask you.

She knew she didn’t have a reason to be so nervous, she was just trying to be polite but the fact that she just sent a message to a woman she didn’t know but thought about so much, made her feel…scared. Christen didn’t took so long to respond.

 **Christen[08:11]:** Hi Tobin! Thanks for letting me know. Nima said he’ll come and get it in a few minutes if that’s okay.

  
 **Tobin[08:12]:** Sure, Mark is waiting for him. Thank you so much!

  
Tobin gave the information to Mark who looked like the weight of the world was no longer on his shoulders.

After dinner Tobin was lying in bed, reading emails when a text popped on her phone. Unknown number.

 **Nima[09:57]:** Tobin, thank you so much for earlier! My phone died and I lost my wallet. Tough day LOL.

 **Tobin[09:59]:** Don't worry ab it!

 **Nima[10:00]:** Are you free tomorrow night? I'm hosting a dinner party at my house! You should come, It'll be fun :)

Tobin thought about it. She didn't like loud places. She didn't like big crowds. But she liked the idea of seeing Christen again and she knew she was gonna be there. She wasn't going to refuse an opportunity to talk to the woman, helplessly hoping to meet her casually again. So she did something she haven't done for a very long time. She said yes to something new.

 **Tobin[10:05]:** Okay.

 **Nima[10:06]:** OMG, really? I thought you'd say no! Well, here is my address. See you tomorrow! (>http:google-maps...<)

 **Tobin[10:08]:** Didn't know it was such a big deal lol

 **Nima[10:09]:** It is! I'll see you in casual clothes for the first time lmaooo

 **Tobin [10:09]:** Whatever dude haha

She wasn't use to go out. Sure, maybe back at her hometown she used to go out with her best friend Alex, once every two weeks, but other than that she felt lonely, never understanding how having a friends group felt like. When she was young she fell into depression for it, watching people her age hanging out and having fun together, asking herself what was wrong with here and why it was so hard for her to be around people. With time, growing up, she accepted that she was made for loneliness.

So standing in front of the mirror with a pink hoodie and skinny black jeans she whispered to herself "what are you even doing? They'll never like you. She'll never like you".

She was about to take her clothes off, deciding quickly to stay in that night, like always, but her phone rang. It was Alex so she picked up with a smile.

_"Hey bestie!"_

"Hey Al! How are you?

" _Good! You? What are you doing?_ "

"Good. Nothing really." she said with a sad tone.

Alex is her only friend and the only one she trusted enough to show her vulnerable side to. They could read each other like open books, so of course she noticed she was lying.

" _What's up, Tobs_?"

"Nothing, I'm fine really. My co-worker invited me over for a party. I'm not going. I was going to bed."

" _Why aren't you going?_ "

"Don't know. I feel pretty sad. Beside, it's not like I'm good at making friends, you know. So..." she smiled weakly.

" _Tobs. Go_."

"No Al-"

" _Tobs, I swear to God if you don't go to that party I'll fly from here just to beat you up. What do you have to lose? Go with your own car and if you don't like it, you'll leave. Just try, for God's sake_."

"I don't know" Tobin whispered. She felt like crying.

" _Do you know someone there?_ "

"Yeah, Nima and maybe some co-workers from the company and maybe Christen"

There was silence to the other side before Alex started screaming excitedly.

" _CHRISTEN IS GONNA BE THERE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU HAVE TO GO! OH MY GOD!!_ "

"Okay, calm down, maybe. I don't know, it doesn't change anything!" Tobin said laughing.

" _It changes everything! You were blushing so hard when you told about her. You HAVE to go. I'm serious, just go. I'll hang up now so you can go. Bye, I love you sweetie!_ "

"Bye Al, love you too"

After she hang up, she felt better about herself. Fuck it. Let's go.

She stormed out of the house without looking back. She drove 20 minutes before arriving. She knocked at the door and Nima stood there with a smile and a beer in one hand.

  
"Hey! you came! Come in!" he put an arm around her shoulder and let her in.

There was maybe 20/25 people, everyone was dressing casually with a drink in hand and talking in small groups with a smile. Tobin felt okay with that atmosphere, crossing the big fear she had about it being a college-like party with loud music and drunk teens.

"There are some friends from my old work place talking with our co-workers and I'm hoping they won't kill each other" Nima said laughing, handing a beer to Tobin that took it with a smile. Her other hand in her pocket.

"Let's defend our company's honor"

They walked to a group of people talking animatedly about work and Tobin recognized some people from her job.

"Hey guys, this is Tobin. unfortunately for you guys" he said, pointing to three of them Tobin guessed were from his old job "she works with me as well"

Some of them said hi to her politely while the others shook her hands. She felt a little tense while Nima left the circle to answer the door until a woman she didn't work with said "So, when are you gonna leave your company to join ours?"  
They all laughed and Tobin felt immediately at ease. She listened to them talking with each other and laughing and even if she wasn't talking that much, she felt good. 

After an hour or so she left the group and set on a bench outside. She was having fun but she needed some fresh air and she saw there was a few of other people there too. The door opened again and Tobin instinctively looked back seeing the beautiful woman that radiated light and that she dreamed about more than she would like to admit wearing a simple white hoodie and black leggins. They smiled at each other as soon as they locked eyes.

"Hi, how are you?" Tobin said while the woman set beside her on the bench.

"I'm good. Too hot inside" she smiled an Tobin couldn't help but smile back

"Yeah, same" she took a sip of her beer and noticed that Christen wasn't drinking anything, so she said "do you want me to get you something to drink? I know you don't drink alcohol so maybe a water or juice?" 

Christen smiled softly at that with surprised eyes, like she didn't expect tobin to ask.

"How do you remember that?"

"You told me when we first met" Tobin said simply

"Yeah, I know. I didn't think you'd remember it tho."

They both blushed looking down at their hands before Tobin asked again.

"So, do you want something?"

"No, thank you"

"Oh, thank God, I didn't want to go inside yet" she said smiling and watching the beautiful woman laughing. _God, beautiful is an understatement._

  
They started talking and laughing no-stop just like at the coffee shop, weeks ago. Tobin was shy and not very good with people at all but with Christen it was so easy and natural. She didn't need to pretend to be cool, she just wanted to know everything about the woman and make her smile. They somehow end up talking about art when Christen said:

"I absolutely love contemporary art. Some new artists literally take my breath away"

"Yeah, me too. Have you ever been to Upfor Gallery?"

"No, where is it?"

"Here in Portland. It's amazing! You could come with me actually, I'm going next week."

As soon as the words left her mouth she felt her cheek burn and the smirk on Christen's face told her the woman knew exactly what Tobin was thinking about. She scratched the back of her neck with her left hand (an habit she had since she was a kid and came back when she was embarrassed) and was about to apologize when she heard Christen laugh and putting a hand on her knee. Tobin looked up and heard the words

"I'd love that!" So she smiled, feeling like her heart would explode for how fast it was beating and responded

"G-good, that's good".

They went inside after an almost two hour conversation and saw that the majority of people was leaving. Tobin looked at the phone and realized that it was later than she thought, the house almost empty and she figured she should get going. So she turned towards Christen and asked:

"Hey do you need a ride home? I should probably go"

"No thanks, I live in the building next to this one actually"

"Oh! Got it."

They were looking at each other with matching smiles when Nima came and hugged the two women with both of his arms around their shoulders. "Look at you two! I thought you both left. Happy you found each other tho" He winked, making both women blush. Tobin spoke next:

"I should go. Thanks for inviting me, it was fun" she hugged him while Christen said

"I'll go to. I need to work tomorrow." before hugging him as well, laughing when he whispered something in her ear.

Tobin opened the door for Christen, noticing the younger woman blush a little at the gesture. When they were outside Christen spoke again:

"Well, thanks for the fun night"

"Thank you." she hesitated before asking "do you want me to walk you to your house?"

"You really don't have to, it's right there" she said, pointing at the next building.

"Oh, okay, sorry" Tobin looked down feeling like she overstepped but Christen rolled her eyes and took her hand, walking towards her house and dragging a clueless Tobin with her. After a minute they stopped.

"Well, that's me"

"Yeah" Tobin took a deep breath and said "So, I'll see you soon?"

"Sure, you have my number" the woman said with a teasing smile on her face, making Tobin blush

"Good night Christen"

"Good night"

She walked to her car, slam the door and let her head fall to the steering wheel. _I'm completely fucking screwed._


	2. Simply Happier

_"So you are telling me you asked her out?"_

"Yeah, accidentally." Tobin responded. She called Alex the day after the party and her best friend could immediately tell she was in a good mood, so she forced her to tell her EVERYTHING about the party and Tobin did.

Alex laughed " _How do you ask a girl out on accident?_ " 

"I already told you how"

"TOBIN POWELL HEATH! I'm so proud of you!" 

"Why?" She laughed.

" _You asked someone out?? You never do that! This girl must be really special, huh?_ "

"She is." she took a deep breath "I don't know how to do this, Al"

_"What are you worried about, sweetie?"_

"That I'll disappoint her expectations"

_"What makes you think she has expectations to begin with?"_

"I'm afraid she thinks I'm this cool, confident person when I'm actually...boring, I guess? I don't know" 

" _You aren't boring Tobin. She said yes right away when you offered_." after a few seconds of silence she kept going. " _Look Tobs, I love how thoughtful you are but you always let your insecurities limit your ability to just...Enjoy things. Don't do that this time, okay? It's been so long since I saw you excited about something, take it easy_ "

"It's scary but I'll try"

" _Everything worth fighting for is a little scary_ "

Tobin rolled her eyes at her best friend's words "Oh wow, poetic! Did you read it on an Instagram post or...?"

 _"Hey! I'm trying to help your ungrateful ass_."

They both laughed at that before Alex said "You are two adults who enjoy spend time together. That's it."

"Yeah but she's so different from everyone I have ever met. She has this calm and balanced personality that makes me free to be myself. I panic when I think about her but when we're talking everything is good, I feel different but always me." She signed, frustrated with her lack of ability at expressing her feelings "I'm not making any sense, am I?"

" _You're making perfect sense, sweetie_." and Tobin could her smile while she said those words.

A few days went by. She and Christen kept talking everyday since Tobin texted the woman the day after the party. They could talk for hours about evey possible thing that came up. Tobin quickly learned that Christen loved politics and changing people opinions. Tobin shared her passion for painting and her faith. And so on. They kept flirting and teasing each other mostly with dad's joke Tobin would use to hear the woman's beautiful laugh.   
On Thursday when she knew the girl was back from work, she had the courage to ask if it was okay to call her real quick and Christen responded with a "sure :)" that made her smile (even if the thought of calling to talk about their 'date' or whatever terrified her). So she called.

"Hey, how was work?"

" _Hi! Good, I had some patients I didn't expect but nothing too crazy. What about you?_ " she sounded tired but not upset at all. She must be so cute right now.

"Everything good" she took a deep breath "So,I was thinking about when to go to the museum and since I have the rest of the week free in the evening, I thought I could ask you when it would be best for you" she paused "If you still want to go" Her heart was beating fast and she was bouncing her leg up and down nervously but again the woman voice calmed her.

" _Well, I have the night shift on Wednesday so Friday I'm free all day but if y--_ "

"Friday is great" she shut her eyes . _You're an idiot_. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt" 

Christen laughed " _Don't worry about it. So, Friday?_ "

"Sure, I could pick you up at like... 5:00 pm and then maybe we could have dinner after?"

" _That sounds great!_ "

"Oh good!" Tobin knew she was smiling like an idiot "Oh, I promise I'll drive you back early so you can have enough rest for work the next morning"  
A few seconds of silence went by but before Tobin could panic about it, Christen responded.

" _You are so sweet, do you know that_?"

"Uhm... Thanks" she said, feeling her face on fire and glad the woman couldn't see her. Then added "Are you sure you don't mean weird? Again?" and listened the woman laughing on the other side.

They spoke at the phone for a few minutes but Tobin could sense the woman was very tired from working all morning, so they eventually hang up.  
Tobin set on her sofa almost like she was waiting for something to happen. She was so used to have that voice in the back of her head telling her that everything was gonna go wrong and she would get hurt, that she was waiting for it. But for some unexplainable reason, she didn't hear it this time. Sure, she still had a little anxiety when she thought about the beautiful woman she couldn't wait to see again, but nothing that made her feel worthless. She didn't really know how but she knew the woman was already changing her, without even meaning too. It was nice that night, falling asleep in the same bed as always but thinking about something exciting to look forward to.

  
The next day, she was in her office drinking her hot coffee while working with her laptop (pretty much like every other day) when there was a knock on the door and an unexpected face entered the room.

"Good morning, Tobin!" Nima said, with a smile on his face and far too much energy. _Why is he on my floor?_

"Hi! What's up?"

"Nothing, Kevin asked me to give you this" He raised the stuck of papers in his right hand before putting it on her desk.

"Oh, thanks" She took the documents and started reading them, pretending to focus. Actually, her brain wasn't understanding much about the words and was instead asking questions like _Why isn't he leaving?_  
After a few seconds she looked up and saw Nima standing there, with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face of a person that knew something interesting but wanted to know more. Tobin raised her eyebrows with a questioning look and he asked:

"How is your day going?"

"Pretty good. What about you?"

"Good, thanks!" They stared at each other for a few seconds. He knew Tobin wasn't going to say anything back and instead she was waiting for him to leave, almost scared of what he could say but he decided to have a little fun anyway. His smile became wider before he spoke again.

"So, did you have fun at the party last week?"

"Yeah, thanks for inviting me" 

"Sure, I enjoyed your company" he paused before saying "and I certainly wasn't the only one" he winked and walked out of the office. Tobin just smiled and shook her head. _He sure loves to tease,_ she thought before going back to read. For real this time.

It was Friday and Tobin was standing in front of Christen's door, waiting for the woman to open it. She was taking deep breaths trying to calm her nerves down but it wasn't working that much. When the door opened things got worse. Her heartbeat was increasing at light speed and her hands shaking like crazy. 

"Hi!" She managed to say "you look beautiful" Christen just smiled and took a step forward to hug her and whispered

"Hi, you do too"

The way the sweetness of her voice mixed with the beautiful smell of the woman, helped Tobin calm down instantly. Like she just knew that everything was going to be fine as long as she was with Christen.  
When they separated Tobin had an excited smile on her face "Ready to go?" At the woman nod they walked to the car and Tobin opened the car door for her before going around and sitting on her spot.

It was a 30 minutes ride to the gallery and they enjoyed every minute of it, talking, laughing and loudly singing the songs Christen was choosing from Tobin's phone. At some point 'Someone To Stay' by Vancouver Sleep Clinic started and they both said "I love this song" at the same time. They shared a look before laughing at how cheesy that was. They listened to this song without singing both enjoying every beautiful sound that came out of the speakers and letting the weight of the words settle in the air. At some point Christen slowly took Tobin's hand, eyes still locked out of the window watching random people on the sidewalk. Tobin could see a light shade of red colouring the woman's cheek and she smiled to herself, somehow happy that she wasn't the only one feeling... _this_. She gently interweaved their fingers before raising them to her mouth and give Christen's hand a light kiss.

When they made it to the gallery, Tobin was again nervous but the fact that she was surrounded by pieces of art, made her feel better. At some point while they were walking and talking about what they thought about the paintings, she even took her hand and squeezed it lightly. They were both smiling, looking around, sharing opinions, laughing at stupid things. It felt so good, the way the beautiful woman could just bring a new light to the art they were watching. She felt free to say what she really thought about it and listened to how Christen agreed but added something new, that Tobin didn't notice or considered before. It was really a metaphor of how neither needed to be completed but just stand together, to have a full view. Maybe it was too soon to think about them that way but Tobin wasn't forcing anything. Her mind was doing everything naturally and she wasn't stopping it.

When they were sitting in the car, ready to go to dinner she asked with a playful smile:

"So, what did you think about it, Miss Press?"

"That was really fun Miss Heath" she smiled then said with a more serious voice "Thanks for taking me Tobin"

"Of course, thanks for coming with me."

"I like hanging out with you" she responded simply. Tobin stared at her for a few seconds and when Christen looked up at her with a questioning look she took a deep breath and started.

"You mean that, right?"

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know" she scratched the back of her neck and looked away "I don't go out a lot, you know? I'm pretty shy and I'm not that good with people." She suddenly felt like crying for being so wrong. _That was probably inappropriate to say to the girl you like, she won't ever hang out with you again. Idiot_. She spoke again quickly "S-Sorry, that was dumb, let's go". She was about to start the car, still not looking at the woman, afraid to what she would see in her eyes, when Christen hand stopped Tobin from turning the key. 

"Wait" she took the key out and held it in her hand "Can you look at me?"

Tobin turned and their eyes met. She couldn't quite understand what she saw in them but judgement wasn't it for sure. Christen slowly put hand on the woman's cheek and started moving her thump slowly. 

"Sometimes we talk and everything is going fine until you panic and I can feel your walls coming back up" she paused for a moment before smiling "Tobin I like you, okay? You're funny and smart and hardworking. I don't care if you don't like going out or being around people. I don't care how many friends you have or I have, okay? That has nothing to do with us."  
Tobin was looking in those beautiful green eyes and she believed every single word that fell from her lips. _She's perfect in every way._ She smiled and whispered "I like you too. So much" They stayed like that for a few seconds, staring in each other's eyes with soft smiles on their faces and Christen's hand still on Tobin's cheek.   
Suddenly they heard a loud honk that scared both of them and they started laughing loudly like it was the funniest thing that ever happened in their life. 

"Holy shit that was so loud. Feel my heart" Tobin took Christen's hand and put it on her chest

"Oh wow, it's fast. It's the effect I have on women" she winked

"Yeah yeah, let's go lady killer" Tobin laughed before starting the car and driving off.

Dinner was good too. They were having fun and they definitely didn't look at the clock. When Tobin's phone rang with a text from Alex asking how was the date, she saw the time and her eyes went wide.

"Oh my God Chris! It's 11:45 pm! You have to work tomorrow."

"Holy shit, 11:45? Already?"

“Yes!”

“How?”

"I don't know, let's go"

They quickly got up, Tobin paid the bill and they walked to the car holding hands. After Tobin started driving she said "I'm so sorry! I promised you to take you home early and tomorrow you'll be tired! I should--, hey why are you laughing?"

When Christen stopped laughing she managed to say "Oh my God, you're so cute"

"What? Why?"

"You look so worried right now." She smiled "It's okay Tobin, I'll be fine"

The older woman took a deep breath and said "Good, 'cause I wouldn't change a thing. It's like, I never want to go another day without talking to you" the way her face became the deepest shade of red, made Christen realize that she didn't mean to say it out loud, which made it even more sweet. "S-Sorry, I--"

"Don't. Don't apologize for that."

The car ride was again filled with funny stories and deep conversations. When they arrived at Christen's house, Tobin walked her to the door. She put her hands in her pockets before they came to a stop and faced each other. Tobin wanted to thank her again for spending time with her but she decided against it. Instead, she hugged the woman and held her close. Christen hugged her back just as tight.   
After a few minutes of just breathing each other in, they separated. Tobin had this feeling that something between them changed, evolved during this date but at the same time she didn't want to rush anything. The just tiny chance that she could ruin everything and lose her terrified her, so she smiled and kissed her forehead before saying  
"Good night, I'll see you soon?". 

Christen smiled back, almost like she knew what Tobin was thinking and responded "I'll see you soon" with a firm nod.

They both laughed softly at that before separating, both thinking _I should have kissed her._

  
"Tell me again why did you do that?"

"Because! I can't just ignore them, I have to get them to like me, Chris"

They were currently at Christen's place. Since that first date, they would spend all their free time together. This was the first time Tobin was in Christen's house and she was quite excited about meeting her dogs, so she thought she could bring them a present, much to the younger woman amusement. 

"Look how happy they are! Do you like your new toy? Yeah? Good girls!" She said in a high pitched voice while petting both dogs 

Christen just laughed at that "Dinner is almost ready, by the way. You know, in case you came over to have dinner with me and not only to play with my dogs"

Tobin just kept petting the puppies "They are so much cuter in person" then she looked up and shrugged with one shoulder and a teasing smile "you're alright too, I guess"

"Nice way to tell me I look like shit" 

Tobin stood up and stared at the woman in front of her, at how she loved seeing her in everyday clothes after working all morning, at how she couldn't remember seeing someone being so simply stunning, without even trying.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And you know that."

Christen looked down after hearing those words and smiled shyly "Uhm... thanks"

Tobin scratched the back of her neck, hoping she didn't just made the woman uncomfortable "welcome"

  
Tobin loved how domestic everything was: Christen cooking dinner while she chose a movie and cuddled the dogs. She looked around for a while, trying to engrave every single detail of this moment in her memory. She could feel in her bones how hard she wanted this to be her everyday life. Coming back home from work to this everyday. What a dream.

They were finishing dinner when Christen asked a question that made Tobin wish she never came over in the first place that rudely forced her to come back to reality. 

"Hey my friend is throwing a party in a couple of weeks, do you want to come?"

It was a simple question but Tobin panicked immediately. _You're gonna meet her friends and then she'll want to meet yours and you don't have any. You're alone, no one really cares about you._ She swallowed hard and responded. "No, thanks"

Christen just nodded and said "Okay, cool"

Tobin thought she just upset the woman by rejecting her invitation. She didn't look upset al all, she was talking normally and had the same facial expression as before but Tobin wasn't sure. When dinner was over she knew she needed to go. She didn't know why and it didn't matter. She stood up suddenly and Christen looked up at her, waiting for her to say something.

"I-I need to go. Thanks for dinner. I can't stay here."

"Wait, what? What happened?"

"Nothing I just-"

"Did I say something wrong?"

 _Shit, she thinks it's her fault_ "NO! Not at all, I'm just tired and-and I need to work and-"

"Tobin calm down" Christen stood up and walked to the door, she picked up both of their jackets and said "Let's go for a walk okay?"

Tobin just nodded and followed the woman. 

They walked in silence for a while, it was dark out and a little fresh hair is exactly what Tobin needed. She took a deep breath and decided to just go for it. They were in the middle of the park and Tobin just stopped, took Christen hand and looked in her eyes.

  
"I'm sorry I freaked out. I didn't mean to but I can't help it. When you asked me about coming to the party it scared me. I-I feel pretty alone, you know? You're this cool person and- and I don't know, I moved out and left everything I knew to come here and I thought I could start a new life and it's great here, I have a perfect job that gives me all the money i need and more, I have a beautiful house, I have free time to do whatever I choose to and-and sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day I still have no one to talk with. Sure, I have Alex and some friends in the office but I can't get this feeling away, like-like I'm not made to be around people. So you have all this people that love you and I don't blame them because you're amazing. But I'm not, Chris. I don't-I'm not, okay?" she was breathing heavily, her shoulders moving up and down, her eyes wide trying to remember why she just said out loud all the things she was so scared to admit even to herself.

Christen looked like she was about to cry. Tobin's ached at the sight, she felt a tear fall from her own eye before speaking again "I'm so sorry, Chris! I didn't want to put all my shit out on you, I-" 

"Shut up. It's my turn now. Shut the fuck up" Christen's eyes were on fire "You don't even see your worth,Tobin. How is that fucking possible? You're so kind and sweet and beautiful but you think you don't deserve anything good just because it's hard for you to make friends? Well guess what Tobin, It doesn't matter! I just offered because my three bestfriends are begging me to meet the girl who I spend all my time with, mostly because Nima keeps bragging about knowing you before them!" she started walking away before turning around saying "Oh and for the record, I hate parties. The only reason I went to that one is because Nima told me you were going too" 

Tobin took a step and reached for the woman's wrist, turning her around and pulling until they were face to face, staring in each other's eyes.  
Everything stopped for a moment. Her heart started beating out of her chest, her throat was suddenly dry and she could feel air leaving her lungs. In her mind tho, there was nothing by silence. Some feelings can't be described by words and this definitely couldn't. The peacefulness of her mind yet the excitement in her heart that made her body react to the woman in front of her, made her understand there and then that everything was now changing, yet staying the same.

Tobin gently let go of Christen's wrist before raising a shaky hand to cup her cheek and connect their lips. It was slow and intense. They were both pouring all the desire they had to do this since the first time they met in that boring coffee shop so many weeks ago. At some point during the kiss Tobin hugged Christen's waist keeping her close while Christen hugged Tobin's shoulders tight, like they were scared to let go.   
When they separated they kept eyes contact for three seconds before starting laughing at only God knows what but it didn't matter. They were just happy.

They ended up going to the party after two weeks. They held hands the whole time and Christen finally introduced Tobin to Julie, Crystal and Ali. Tobin liked them. They kept complimenting the couple on how good they looked together and thanked Tobin for making the first move because they were all tired of Christen's hesitation. Tobin smiled when she saw her girlfriend's blush at her friends teasing and just kissed her cheek putting an arm around her waist, which earned an "Awww" from the group.

After a couple of hours, the couple walked out for a bit. Tobin set on a chair on the balcony and Christen set on her lap, sideways, bringing an arm around her shoulder. 

"How do you feel after getting their approval?" the younger woman said with a teasing smile

"Mh...Pretty good. I like them" she responded, tightening the grip around her waist

"Good" Their lips just met when the window of the balcony opened and a familiar voice spoke.

"So, like, I don't even get a 'thank you', huh?"

Christen signed and rolled her eyes "No, Nima. Leave!"

"Whatever, you owe me!" He said smiling before going back in and closing the window.

"He might be right, babe. If he didn't invite me to that party, everything would be different now"

"Ehh, I'm not sure about that."

Tobin looked at her. She understood perfectly what she was thinking and she believed it too. They were meant to be together from the start, in a way or the other. "Yeah, me either" she said.

  
That night, while laying down with Christen asleep on her shoulder, arms around each other and legs intertwined, Tobin couldn’t sleep. She was instead staring at the ceiling, thinking about how her life chanced when she least expect it. It's the same bed she had trouble sleep in for months but for total different reasons. Same job, same house, same ceiling. But nothing felt like before. So in that dark room, asking herself if God was listening, knowing deep down he was, she just whispered “thank you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, that's it! This was supposed to be a one shot but I wasn't sure about continuing after the first part. I don't like how I ended this story tbh, maybe I'll change it but anyway, thanks everyone for the kind words and kudos! Please remember I'm not English, if you have any tips or correction my tumblr is: spirit-puri. Tell me what you think! I love you all, have a nice day!


End file.
